


Absolute Bangers

by HazelNeedsSomeHelp



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Other, dance bitch, zane is a moron but we love him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:54:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24605749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HazelNeedsSomeHelp/pseuds/HazelNeedsSomeHelp
Summary: Zane and Fl4k fight a bunch of psychos, but Zane get distracted by the radio. AKA: Zane likes to dance and Fl4k is sick of his shit. *Contains dirty jokes, mild language warnings, and violence.*
Relationships: FL4K/Zane Flynt
Kudos: 32





	Absolute Bangers

**Author's Note:**

> i just wanted to write dialogue for zane cuz hes fun as hell, but it turned into this. enjoy

"Ah boyo, I'd swear ya'd love it there! All cold and rainy but sunny, too! The food is great, and the drinks are great. Truly a wonderful place."

Fl4k paid no attention to Zane's rambling about his home planet, too busy making sure no one died-- other than the COV dip-wads trying to literally rip apart the hunters' technical. They ordered their jabber to go after one guy, then the spiderant after someone else, and the skag was set to guard the car.

"--And ya'd never believe a handsome feller like me-- who's also an amazing assassin-- would come from a place like that. I mean, I love everyone there, but there ain't a lick a' pretty on the whole planet! And their only talents are makin' beer!"

Fl4k let out a robotic sigh. How the hell could that man talk more than Crazy Earl on coke yet still hit every shot? He was taking down enemies as fast as Fl4k, who was actually focusing! It was infuriating. 

But their thoughts-- and Zane's speech-- was cut off by a loud screeching. One of the speakers the COV had set up suddenly sprung to life, which could only mean one thing. More damn music. Fl4k wanted to shoot themselves.

Every time those speakers came on, Zane would play stupid and start dancing around and singing. Which-- somehow-- led to him killing more bandits than Fl4k and their pets combined. It was hell for any sniper. 

The first song finally started, right as another group of psychos and fanatics came into view. Some on vehicles, some running as fast as their legs could carry them. Either way, and as much as Fl4k hated Zane's antics, it was a good thing the music was on. They needed the extra thunder.

"Oooh! I know this song!" Zane cheered, jumping back by Fl4k's side to reload his gun. "It's called-- ah, what's it called, again?-- Saturday's Alright For Fighting! No… Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting. That's it! Love this song!"

He let out a hearty laugh, then noticed the oncoming horde. He looked up at Fl4k. "Ya ready, boyo?"

Fl4k merely nodded and raised their gun, already aiming at one of the poor bastards. Zane threw down his digi-clone, which then appeared. Goddammit, now there's two of him.  
The firefight started with a bang, quite literally. A psycho threw a grenade at the hunters, Zane caught it and tossed it back while yelling something about "fastballs". Another sports reference from his home planet that Fl4k didn't understand.

The battle raged on. Zane danced around FL4k and repeatedly tried to pull them in. They politely declined every time. Zane also named off every song, insisting on singing parts of them, too. 

A couple of fanatics got a little too close, and Fl4k threw down their gun in favor of their clawed hand. They ripped and shredded the enemies-- and Zane would be lying if he said it didn't turn him on a little. 

After a couple hours of slaughtering, the duo had finally mowed down the bandits. They collapsed against the technical and caught their breath-- well, Zane did. Fl4k busied themself by cleaning and patching up a wound Meat-Thief got. Zane's clone had run out of juice, so he had to dress his wounds himself. Not that he had many, only a scratch on his elbow when he tripped and fell, along with a bruised cheek that also came from his fall.

Fl4k finished their task and turned to the technical. They went around to the trunk and pulled aside a dirty blanket, it covered a box. Zane joined their side and smiled triumphantly. Fl4k opened the box, a faint purple glow came from it.

The vault key was still there, and safe. Good, the psychos didn't snatch it while someone's back was turned. Fl4k shut the box and recovered it, then faced the operative.

"Are you ready to return to Sanctuary?"

Zane sighed dramatically. "I guess so. Wish we could'a fought longer, though."

"We can spar when we get back to Sanctuary."

"Really?"

Fl4k shrugged slightly. "I don't have many other duties. And your footwork needs some adjustments."

Zane rolled his eyes. "And what does that mean?"

"It means I watched you trip and fall over your own feet, and hurt yourself in the process. You have good aim with a gun and are a good fighter, but can barely hold yourself up."  
"I'm fine on me feet, t'ank you very much."

Fl4k swung their leg around, catching Zane's knee and making him fall forward. He landed against Fl4k, and grabbed onto the robot's jacket to not hit the dirt.

"You're also oblivious to everything below your waist."

"Not everything." Zane winked at the robot, then straightened up and let go of their jacket.

Fl4k sighed. "Let's just get to Sanctuary. I'll teach you how to watch out for your feet when we get back."

"But yer a robot. You don't have to worry 'bout balance and all that shite, not like fighting a human."

"Would you rather spar with Amara?"

Zane gulped. "Absolutely not. You'll be fine, boyo."

If Fl4k was capable of smirking, they would have then. But with that, they climbed into the technical and sped off.


End file.
